so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
