I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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