whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
