he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I have post one night stand depression
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