My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
