I'm sorry my penis didn't work
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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