I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
