he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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