She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
