I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
