i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
