It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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