More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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