the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
