you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My ass is underappreciated
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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