the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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