If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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