the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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