just come out here and I will go home with you...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
