Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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