My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
