I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
