I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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