I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
