We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
