So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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