I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
