If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
