Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
