Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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