Already got asked if we're dating
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
