I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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