Im at strip club and am horny
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
