wrigley field is MILF paradise
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
