I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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