i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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