i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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