Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
