my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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