I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
