seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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