so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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