guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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