Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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