im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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