Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
