i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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