I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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