The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
