i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
