wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
