I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
