was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
