I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
if only i could text you this smell
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
