remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
