No stitches, just platelets and will power
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
